craveonline

By Ted Hucklebuck

There are so many rad games coming out this month that I’d recommend taking out a small business loan, if I didn’t already know that all the banks were more or less seeking loans of their own...

Now you might ask yourself, “So how are we supposed to afford all these must-have games, then? How are we to get our FIX?!” Thank goodness for the world’s oldest profession, prostitution! Now there’s a cash-generating job that’s 100% recession-proof (Not to mention tax-free)! So tape up your junk under that mini-skirt and head down to the docks for some “hustling”, you nerds! Tell ‘em Ted Hucklebuck sent ya!

Dead Space



System: Xbox 360, PS3, PC
Release Date: 10/14

Imagine if you will, that someone has managed to combine the visceral thrills of Doom with the psychological terror of Silent Hill… That rare combination has given birth to Dead Space, one of the most genuinely scary games any of us may have ever seen. If you are a big wuss, play this one alone in the dark at your own risk, or at least wear a diaper.

NBA Live 2009



System: Multi-Platform
Release Date: 10/8

NBA Live 09 would be just another basketball game if not for one very exciting new feature: Dynamic DNA. Dynamic DNA allows the programmers at EA to build each player as an exact replica of their real life counterpart right down to details so minute that the are almost retarded. Not only that, but the stats are constantly updated each and every day via Xbox Live based on their real life performance. It’s amazing, it works well, and it changes the game for future sports releases in a significant way.